Doctor Bonnie

John Edwards’ revelation that he had, in fact, had an affair with the woman that produced his videos in preparation for his campaign launch may have been news to those following his campaign but it didn’t come as a shock to his family. And given all the circumstances colliding in his life – his run for the presidency, his wife’s cancer – it’s not surprising that it all lined up to equal a marital infidelity.

John Edwards was likely suffering from what I call bio-chemical craving for connection - the theory that people experiencing stress, separation or loss often are inclined toward thrill-seeking behavior and this frequently manifests itself in the form of an affair. It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” instead. It’s probably the case that Edwards couldn’t handle the idea of losing his wife and so he sought a way to cancel out that fear by deciding to have an affair. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. It’s also possible that, subconsciously, he was finding a “backup” for his wife, in the case that she did pass away. In the process, he may have ended up with a backup family, in the case that the child of the women he had an affair with is, in fact, his.

Politicians have a higher instances of affairs because they’re under intense stress on a daily basis, and therefore are more prone toward a self-medicated high to temporarily cancel out the stressful emotions they feel. Edwards had this problem to a greater extent. He was dealing with the stress of being a politician – and launching a campaign – as well as the possible impending loss of and separation from his wife. This is not to excuse his actions AT ALL, but rather to provide a way to understand why these types of situations seem to manifest themselves -especially when it comes to those in the public eye.

The good news is that since he said he came clean to his family a while ago, this situation can actually bring he and his wife closer. The truth is out in the open and ready to be dealt with. Traditionally, men have a harder time talking about their feelings and therefore seek “comfort” by engaging in risky behavior. Once this behavior is discovered – often in the form of an affair – it doesn’t have to signal the end of a relationship. Instead, it can be used as a spring board for honest discussion. To heal his marriage, Edwards needs to acknowledge the emotions and feelings at the root of the affair. The messy details are already in the public eye, now it’s time for he and his wife to engage in private introspection.

This entry was posted Thursday, August 21st, 2008 at 9:48 am and is filed under infidelity, marriage, politicians, sex. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.