Advice for Stressful Relationships: From DINKs to Presidents
By: Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil
Our new President-elect is facing a lot of pressure and expectation, but so is his wife. Comparisons are already being drawn between Michelle Obama and the likes of Jackie Kennedy, as if people are waiting for her to bring a new level of class, style and vigor not seen in the decades since. Part of the reason for the speculation is that Michelle hasn’t said a lot about what her plans are, aside from getting her daughters settled. So people are left to wonder if she’ll influence policy, if she’ll travel the world as a sort of ambassador for her husband, if she’ll contribute her thoughts on family policy, etc.
Interestingly, prior to their ascendance to the White House, Michelle drew in a higher salary than her husband did as a Senator. (That’s not accounting for his book sales, which drove their income considerably higher.) She’s well-educated, influential, clearly a good leader, and also a family woman – and it appears she’s able to manage and juggle all these roles. So will she have her hand in a number of issues? Of course, only time will tell. But … I would offer advice for the newly-elected presidential couple, and other high-powered couples out there. While the president and his wife likely have unparalleled pressure and constraints, other dual-income couples face similar problems, even if it’s on a smaller scale.
1).Be the other person’s biggest advocate. If both people are concentrating on supporting, encouraging, and listening to the other person, there’s less room for insecurities and mis-matched perceptions and goals. In a situation where both people have incredibly stressful and important jobs, acknowledging the importance of what each person does is crucial.
2).Discuss shared goals. This may look different for the presidential couple – who may be discussing their goals for policy when leading the free world! - than it does for a successful dual-income couple – who could be talking about their personal plans for the future. But the importance of making sure you’re each on the same page is crucial when the couple is under a lot of pressure and stress, and may not normally have time to communicate properly concerning big-ticket decisions.
3).CREATE moments for fondness and appreciation. The busier you get, the more obligations you have, the less likely it is that important bonding moments will just happen by themselves. You have to plan these moments and make them a priority.
There are few couples in the nation – or perhaps even in the world – that have the types of expectations and pressures put on them like the President and First Lady do. But there are plenty of couples who face demands on their time that make it difficult to carve out important time for their relationship – but it’s so important that they do!