Dealing With Divorce and Financial Fall-out
By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
While I think that just about any marriage or relationship can be saved, and shouldn’t end in divorce – as I talk about in my book, Make up, Don’t Break Up – break ups are sometimes an inevitable part of life, and they can change the way a person and/or a couple look at money.
A huge problem when dealing with money and divorce is that many couples haven’t really discussed finances, budgets and money UNTIL they are facing divorce (interestingly, this may also be what leads to divorce in the first place, as a relationship that is not open about money usually isn’t healthy).
The issue when breaking up is that each person’s relationship to shared finances change. When you’re married, there is typically some sort of knowledge in the back of your mind that you share what you have, and you aren’t too worried about who contributes what.
This isn’t the case when going through a divorce. Perspective shifts so people start thinking in terms of what THEY contributed and what they deserve. Supriya Singh, professor of accounting and law, gives a few examples:
“For a woman, if she gave up work and career to look after children, then how much was looking after children worth? You don’t want to face the notion that maybe you are financially dependent. It goes against the way you want to picture marriage,” she says.
Money and power are tricky subjects – especially when taken in the context of an impending separation. I offer a few tips for dealing with these subjects in my book, Financial Infidelity, and while I would encourage couples to deal with this issues before they split, they can be applied in both circumstances.
*Appreciate sacrifices
*Focus on the positives
*Take turns paying the bills so it doesn’t feel like one person has the “financial upperhand.”
*Prioritize
*Negotiate
*Discuss any resentment immediately
*Discuss money
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