Doctor Bonnie

In a movie that is cast entirely with women and directed by a woman, one critic says he came away  feeling like it was actually a movie that was sexist – against women! He cites writer/director Diane English’s portrayal of the film – which was made originally with Joan Crawford in 1939 – as full of gossip, women hating each other, babies, being passive aggressive, spending too much money, body image issues, careers vs. family, marriage, daughters, mothers, infidelity.

The premise of the movie has Mary Haines (Meg Ryan) finding out that her husband is cheating on her – and it chronicles the ways her family and friends tell her to deal with this revelation, and the decisions she has to then make.

The problem with this feminine sexism – whether perpetrated by a movie or in the “real world” - is that it further contributes to the stereotypes of women, in an age where we are finally starting to re-think some of our assumptions about gender roles and femininity. Take, for example, the fact that many women now work outside the home, and of these, a growing number are the breadwinners in their family. And this means that – among other things – women are becoming more assertive in their ability to take care of themselves financially.

Read the rest of the post on Money Wise Woman.

I’ve been analyzing the effects and possible problems surrounding the recent financial meltdown, which I’m calling “Financial 9/11.” One of my first guest posts on the subject is over on MoneyWiseWoman.com:

It seems as if each time we turn on the TV (or read the paper, surf the internet, etc.) the news is worse. Markets are failing, bailouts are being given, banks are being bought and sold, homes are getting foreclosed upon. If things weren’t difficult for u before, chances are by now you might be feeling the belt tighten a bit.  The difficulty on Wall Street and in Washington is trickling right down to the homes of many middle class and other Americans.

I’m calling it financial 9/11.

Read more here.

I recently posted on what’s being called the “infidelity gene” on AskDanAndJennifer.com. Here’s part of the post:

A new gene discovered by scientists is being called the “infidelity gene,” but what does that actually mean, and is the name truly rooted in the scientific discovery?

Scientists at Karolinska Institutet have found a link between a specific gene and the way men bond to their partners. The same gene has been previously studied in voles, where it has been linked to monogamous behavior in males, but this is the first time that a specific gene variant has been associated with male bonding.

The Genetic Link and How it Affects Relationships

The effect of this variation is relatively small, and it cannot be used to predict with any real accuracy how someone will behave in a future relationship.

Hasse Walum, postgraduate student at the Department of Medical Epidemiology and Biostatistics, and his team found that men who carry one or two copies of a variant of a particular gene linked to hormone receptors, allele 334, often behave differently in relationships than men who lack this gene variant.

Check out the rest on their blog here.

Could you survive for more than 11 days on what you have in savings? If so, you’re ahead of many people.

More than a third of adults could survive financially for only 11 days if they were to lose their job, became too ill to work, or suffered another catastrophe. A new UK-based study shows just how close to the financial edge many people are.

Researchers looked at how much people spend every month and how much they have in savings. Out of 2000 adults surveyed, they found a massive gap between what the participants spent in a given week and how much they had in their accessible savings, including their pension.

Continue reading the rest of my guest post on MoneyWiseWoman here.

Find out my answer to this question over at AskDanAndJennifer.com. Here’s the beginning of the article:

Imago, literally, is the Latin word for “image.” It was originally used in psychotherapy to refer to the unconscious image you’ve created which defines the type of partner you’re looking for. I use it to refer to the ideas you’ve created concerning money, and how those ideas play out specifically in a relationship.

When looking to fulfill your “imago” when it comes to a mate, subconsciously, you’re looking for someone that will “fill in the holes” left by your experience growing up and your parents, or to adults who were formative in your childhood.

Continue reading …

Here is the beginning of a guest blog I wrote for MoneyWiseWoman.com:

Although more and more women are enjoying long careers and in some cases even making more than their spouses, a new study reveals that women in general fear retirement more than men – and there may be some basis for their fear.

According to a study by The Hartford Financial Services Group, women’s worries focus on three major areas: inflation, health and longevity. On average, women end up working 12 fewer years than men for various reasons, and thus tend to have less put away for retirement. Additionally, given that statistically men die younger than women, women have longer to worry about being alone and having to provide for themselves.

In the study, 83% of the women revealed they feared that their purchasing power would dwindle due to inflation, whereas 69% of men had this fear. Declining health had 75% of polled women saying that they were “very” or “somewhat” concerned.

The third issue builds off of the second fear – because of increased life spans, outliving partners, cost of retirement in general and cost of healthcare specifically, 87% of women expressed nervousness concerning retirement.

And that’s where these fears tend to be strongly rooted in reality. A study by Hewitt Associates found that women need to save more for retirement than men. Additionally, the study revealed that the gap between the amount women need to save and the amount they are actually saving is larger than the gap for men.

Read the rest of my guest post on MoneyWiseWoman here.

Check out my weekly post on MoneWiseWoman.com - this week I’m talking about a recent survey that supposedly tells us what men “really think.” Some of the stats may be surprising to you, and I break down what some of them mean. Feel free to leave any thoughts you may have!

After Sen. John Edwards revealed his affair to his wife – prior to the information becoming public knowledge, and we at least have to give him SOME credit for being honest with her - she said she was (obviously) upset, but decided to stick it out with her husband “for the kids.”

This is something we hear a lot  - and something I see a lot when talking to couples who are contemplating divorce or who have gone through an affair situation. The truth is, people rarely stay together just for the kids. People stay with the cheating spouse/partner because deep down they want to make it work and they believe they CAN get to the bottom of the situation, and work through it. These are valuable sentiments to acknowledge and important in beginning to re-build the relationship, if that’s what the couple chooses to do.

The affair usually comes as a wake-up call to both parties involved. It’s a (rather obvious!) sign that they’re struggling with something else, whether it be a fear of loss – as sees to be the situation in the case of the Edwards’ – dealing with stress – also a possible factor – or even a means of revenge for something else going on in the relationship. Whatever the reason, it’s an obvious turning point and one that can be negotiated around when the couple is willing to get to the bottom of their emotions.

People form clubs for all sorts of things. One thing they can bond over is sexless marriages – for which people have been forming “100 Day Clubs,” for people in relationships who have gone 100 days without sex. One couple in Denver decided to turn this idea on its head, and make their own 100 day club – only theirs would revolve around having sex EVERY day for those hundred days.

The results have been spun into their own book: Just Do It, and the couple, Doug and Annie Brown are busy making the talk show circuits. They say their marriage was fine, it had just hit some rough spots, and gone through the normal “wear and tear.” After 11 years of marriage and two kids, they were in a bit of a rut, and having sex more out of rote then out of passion. They say money stresses contributed to these feelings of boredom, as they became stressed out with time off from work to have kids, moves, being away from family, buying a home, and trying to make ends meet in the midst of it.

But they didn’t believe this had to result in a weakened sex life, so they embarked on their 100 day journey to spice up their love life. I mention many solutions along these lines in my book, Financial Infidelity, as I touch on different ways to recover from and avoid the stress of money – or the lack of it –  can put on a relationship.

Check out my answer to that question on MoneyWiseWomen.com. The site is a wealth of information concerning women and their finances!